Fears

How do I maintain a sense of self after giving birth to and subsequently taking care of another human life? I asked myself a version of this question when I got married last year. Will I still be an independent individual? Will I be okay if I lose everything I cherish today? Will I still be respected for my thoughts and opinions? Will others just see me as part of a couple and now part of a family? Am I just a part or am I still a person as a whole un-into-itself?

Well, just like I got over my fear of losing a sense of myself after getting married, I'm sure I'll get over my becoming "just a mom." It's not that I'm so scared what others will perceive me as. I'm concerned I'll lose myself in the process; concerned about how I perceive myself. Besides giving and caring for a life, will I still be able to offer anything else to the world? I still believe it's not a woman's job to necessarily and solely placed on this earth to propagate and care for everybody else.

In addition to all of these fears, how do I become a loving, caring mom when I myself still feel like a child? That's probably the easiest fear, listed here, to answer. It's a question I ask myself but I think I already know the answer. In many ways, I'm still a child but I don't need to be cared for in a way a child does. I guess that's part of what makes me ready for this next phase in my life: motherhood.

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to motherhood and I can't wait to meet the allusive baby Westley. Everybody says everything changes when you give birth and I have no doubt. I just fear of what I will change into. Will it be for the better? I just need to figure out how to answer and starve these fears into submission but still not giving into losing my sense of self in the process.